The dawn of a new semester part 1

With school just a mere three days away, I sit here wondering, "Shouldn't I be a bit more concerned?" The reality has not yet hit. I'm not dreading it. I'm not looking forward to it. I think I'm in denial. Is there something wrong with me? Or is it that my mind is still trying to wrap itself around the idea that I had planned on having my last Independent Study class done by today (yeah, not even half done), and it's my last semester. I think I secretly think school will never end, that this will just continue forever. I can't even imagine not being in school; I look forward to it, but I can't imagine it.

And now, I will enjoy my last few hours of "freedom" before I feel the pressure. *sigh*

Who knew?

Earlier today, I was walking on campus and walked past several sets of parents and new freshman, all without fail were looking at maps. Approaching one building, I overheard a father ask another passerby, "Is this the Knight Building?" "Uh...." So being the great person I am, from behind, slightly yelling (I was still aways away), when I could see that the father and son were going to keep going in search of the Knight Building (that they were unknowingly in front of), "Yes, yes it is." They stopped, thanked me, and turned into the building. I felt good about myself. (service accomplished for the day)

Several minutes later, on my return by the infamous Knight Building, and after seeing even more parents and students, looking slightly lost, I started thinking about myself, and how I'd done the same thing, 6 years ago (I'd say I feel old, but then, I think everyone who reads this is older than me, so I won't). My mom and I came to campus to buy books and look around campus a couple weeks before my first semester, and I remember thinking how HUGE campus was (I don't think that anymore...sure, it's big, but when class and work are confined to two neighboring buildings, campus seems pretty small). I don't however, remember getting lost, or carrying a map around...probably because mom knew where everything was - at least the classes I was taking (hooray for mom and her good memory!)

Yes, those were the days. Carefree, who cares what classes I take or what grades I get, living in the dorms, with a cafeteria for all my food needs...yes, those were the days. I never would've imagined it would take me 6.5 years to graduate, and that I'd change my major more than three times, know Portuguese fluently, and the Cyrillic alphabet (as well as a few key phrases in Russian). Who knew that I would end up majoring in Geography, with a strange desire to get a job doing something, well, dangerous. Looking back to when I was 18 and a new freshman, I never would've thought I'd go on a mission, and certainly not to Brasil. Who knew that my life would bring me to this point in time and place? Certainly, not me.

Will someone please tell me where the happy medium is?

For the past, oh, couple of weeks, I've been in this very perplexing situation. It goes something like this: I'm single, six months from graduation, I need a job to support myself, and one option is to join the military. In a passing glance, it doesn't seem perplexing at all. But it is. When talking to any good, decent guy, and the words "I went and talked to a recruiter today" (or last week, or I'm thinking about it, etc.) come out of my mouth, I know the conversation is just about over, or if not, whatever good graces had been acheived are now lost. This is why my current situation is so perplexing - most (and I say most, because I know that somewhere out there is someone awesome who won't think this way, but instead will say, "you go girl!") decent mormon guys want a girl who is going to stay at home. I totally agree. That's what I've wanted to do since I could think for myself. But there comes a time, when maybe that just won't work, or maybe won't happen, or won't happen for an unknown amount of time. When this time comes, and you realize "Shoot. I can't just graduate and call that good. I need to make something of myself, I need to support myself" you start looking at your options. And for whatever reason, the particular path you want to take just happens to involve the need for experience which you don't have, but which a 4 year active duty commitment could give you, and the more you look into it, the better it seems, on so many different levels. What is a girl to do? I don't know.

One of my brothers told me that the moment a guy finds out what I'm looking into (and please don't get all worried here, I'm not decided yet, it's just an OPTION) they'll be intimidated. It's true. Just last night, I was talking to a guy, and asked him about that, he agreed. My only rebuttal is - "What am I supposed to say when they ask what I want to do after graduation? Sit around in P-vo and wait?" Um, no. I personally believe that is wrong. There's so much to do and see, and make of oneself that I've got to get out of this place. And the more I've thought about this "intimidating" factor (I'm getting on my soap box now), the more I think to myself, "if a guy is intimidated by the fact that I have ambition, and perhaps he doesn't, than we have a problem." (stepping off of soap box)

I think the main thing people don't understand about me is that I don't want to make the military a career if I go that direction. I'll do my four years, get out and get a civilian job (or stay at home, as the case may be). It's a hard situation. What am I supposed to do? Will someone please tell me where the happy medium is?